Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
