i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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