if only i could text you this smell
Life is so much better after having sex.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
