if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
