I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
