I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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