will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
