I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
