So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
