Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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