Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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