I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
