I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
