i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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