spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
