my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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