she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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