Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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