we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
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Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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