well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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