So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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