someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
