Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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