I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
