I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
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Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
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So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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