he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
