no you cant smoke seaweed
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
