You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
