you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
