He uses pillows to masturbate.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
No more Irish car bombs ever.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
