am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
