people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
