Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
