trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
