There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
