Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
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