and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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