I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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