my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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