He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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