I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
