there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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