even my farts smell like vagina
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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