): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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