it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
