I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
i now understand why vodka
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
