I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
