That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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