piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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