Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
