you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
