Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
