Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
