I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Let's paint friendship bongs
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
