I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Houston, we have a blender
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
