just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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