just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
