Your tits are I can't wait for
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
