My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
