she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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