Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
