He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
