Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize