If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
