He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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