allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
