I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
