So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I wish there were birth control emojis
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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