someone get that fucking seahorse.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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