the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
