I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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