I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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