just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
